The Big Pitch :: So you've heard my son, David, and his 'boyfriend' kvetch about their lives but now it's time for the mother! Okay – so David's technically not a gay but he may as well be. He has the worst dating record in Finchley. Bu... View page for full story

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It’s December 20th 2012 and according to the ancient Mayans the world is about to end. And in Britain the apocalypse seems nigh: every foreign athlete, dignitary and tourist claimed Asylum after the Olympics; all meat has been banned following cow flu and the leaders of the 12 world religions have gone missing in Scotland. When our hero, eternal optimist David Gomez Goldman, is summoned to a high security Asylum centre little does he know that he will become the world's only hope of survival.

DO NOT LISTEN TO THESE TWO IDIOTS, PARTICULARLY MY SON!

Posted 4/11/2008 at 11:56 by Gary | View all posts

So you've heard my son, David, and his 'boyfriend' kvetch about their lives but now it's time for the mother! Okay – so David's technically not a gay but he may as well be. He has the worst dating record in Finchley. But then show me a Jewish girl who wants to marry a Mexican midget electrician and I'll show you a woman without limbs! And if there are any out there don't bother writing in – he does end up finding his true love in the movie. And no, of course I'm not happy - she's the mother of all shiksas! Which loosely translated means 'not of the Jewish faith'. I warned him 'If you go black, you won't come back!' And….well, you'll see! And as for my take on the Armageddon – it's simple. My father was a general in the Israeli army and he always taught me – 'If you can't beat 'em, shoot 'em'. So I bought myself a cache of heavy weaponry and made a pledge to my God and country that the next person who knocks on my front door dies. It's been a busy week!

Denise, David's unfortunate mother.

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